From Paris to The Netherlands

Talking to a friend , he's an expat as well

He has a dutch gf and he said ' sometimes I can't believe they're so simple , and I even thought there must be some trick within ' , well , I said ' congratulations , it's always good to have someone simple than complex , and please just shut up and enjoy ' ...

Talking to a dutch friend , he said ' so how many dutch bfs you have so far ' , I said ' none and will never happen ' . ' why not ? ' he asked , ' because I don't foresee myself end up my life behind a large window within a dutch house , in this city. '

I sometimes feel it's making my life difficult by demanding that much , it might be cheerful to just accpet a certain life style and accept the person who wants to create this life style for you. By thinking about this , I can't breath anymore , it's tight and heavy. I waked up 4h00 at night , by nightmare , in which I have a life with a so-called nice person, going to the city at the weekend , shopping in market , then go back to a Dutch house ...it's so much fear, and I again , know better and better what I DO NOT want ...

9h47 in the morning , I can't sleep anymore, typing in front of my PC , to record my fear in March 2008 for a potential dutch life ...

( don't ever get me wrong here , my dutch friends , I do like all dutch friends , dutch people , and the border line is when I'm not internally involved into their lives )