From Paris to The Netherlands

I believe there's always a place in people's mind , where you find a piece of memory which you can't erase ;

I believe there's always a moment in the night , when you heavily think, doubt and have questions to raise ;

I believe if the heart knows where the harmony would be, heart distances wouldn't be created ;

The moon light in the city , please warm his heart ,

after all these separation and tears start ;

The moon light in the city , please be there and pray for him ,

after all the pieces fallen apart ;

The moon light in the city , just promise ,

if once we meet again , let the happiness cover the entire night ...

Going back to Paris was planned for weeks , I expected emotionally some crazy and heavy moments in paris trip , which happend; I expected I could find back myself in Paris , which didn't happen; I expected a more relax attitude after this trip, which went worse than ever afterward...

2007 I quitted this city, left aside my relationship , heading to a new country for so to speak a career move. At that moment I didn't count anyone or anything ;

2008 I checked out the phone messages which I kept for a year , the conversation between me and him , realized that I did promise I would have counted him in any important decision in my life

2008 I realized that I'm a piece of shit who just easily forgot my words, my promises , my feelings , and anything ;

2008 I accepted if I'm not doing fine , was just because I'm deserving all of this ;

2008 I'm heading to London , again ,  then realized that sacrifying didn't really exist in my dictionary ;

2008 this life cycle starts making me nervous and I'm lost again in 'life transaction '

2008 I realized , whether you want or not , somebody has been just tracked and rooted in my life , for this reason , I do not want to count anybody , but I have to , that's the only way to be back to a real life

2008 I think it's a good moment to admit , nothing really counts but the person, at the end , I can't just become as Superfacial as I assumed , at the end , I just have to admit I can't be a successful business like person because the tears don't lie to me ..

Falling in love with Pekin Opera , great Chinese Culture. After being fans of ' Huang Mei Xi ' for years , Beijing Opera comes up to be on my menu . I do believe a lot of art needs age , life experience and certain taste to appreciate , and with I'm getting older and older , before first wrinkle coming out, I admire my taste changes to another step ...

From Wikipedia  :

Beijing opera or Peking opera (simplified Chinese: 京剧; traditional Chinese: 京劇; pinyin: Jīngjù) is a form of traditional Chinese theatre which combines music, vocal performance, mime, dance and acrobatics. It arose in the late 18th century and became fully developed and recognized by the mid-19th century.The form was extremely popular in the Qing Dynasty court and has come to be regarded as one of the cultural treasures of China.Major performance troupes are based in Beijing and Tianjin in the north, and Shanghai in the south.

Snow, rain, mistiness,  

A painting, a sculpture, a bundle in life, for years;

In, for a glance,

Out, exit hasn’t be found;

All the endings were pre-drafted , 

All the tears decided to re-depart , 

I treid to record the smiles , 

He tried  to wave goodbye , 

I tried to find back the booklet , 

saying it's not just passing by; 

Read it under the yellow light,

I tried to admit, time has flied …

Talking to a friend , he's an expat as well

He has a dutch gf and he said ' sometimes I can't believe they're so simple , and I even thought there must be some trick within ' , well , I said ' congratulations , it's always good to have someone simple than complex , and please just shut up and enjoy ' ...

Talking to a dutch friend , he said ' so how many dutch bfs you have so far ' , I said ' none and will never happen ' . ' why not ? ' he asked , ' because I don't foresee myself end up my life behind a large window within a dutch house , in this city. '

I sometimes feel it's making my life difficult by demanding that much , it might be cheerful to just accpet a certain life style and accept the person who wants to create this life style for you. By thinking about this , I can't breath anymore , it's tight and heavy. I waked up 4h00 at night , by nightmare , in which I have a life with a so-called nice person, going to the city at the weekend , shopping in market , then go back to a Dutch house ...it's so much fear, and I again , know better and better what I DO NOT want ...

9h47 in the morning , I can't sleep anymore, typing in front of my PC , to record my fear in March 2008 for a potential dutch life ...

( don't ever get me wrong here , my dutch friends , I do like all dutch friends , dutch people , and the border line is when I'm not internally involved into their lives )

Snowing in March, The Netherlands .

Tibet, a part of China , Tibetan flag on in front of Chinese embassy , European media ‘attacks china ‘ , I’m tired of the argument with the European I know , it’s inner business of China and please let go .

YM died , in Paris , 25 years old , Chinese . I met him once when I was still living in Champs-elysees , Paris . He came with his girlfriend , another girl I saw a couple of times only, we had one diner together , and I was shocked while reading parisien news online and seeing the pic on.

Jeremie on phone, still looking for opportunities to start a career. I told him I would be back to Paris at the end , that is true , I love Paris , where I see myself get old and grey .  

I can’t fall in love with a Dutch , I like my Dutch friends , D.J is my new Dutch friend , he’s very nice and as one of my other colleagues mentioned , he’s hired because of his good looking J I like to make friends with good looking people , super facial as always , I like Dutch who are open-minded , who’re easy to get along , who are friendly and direct , I like Dutch as much as I can , as friends . I love French , some of them only , of course , love the tongue of the language , love the attitude , love the way of viewing things in Paris , love Paris , the city WHO refreshed my blood . I recently start thinking about the city where I would settle down after 30s, Paris , London , Berlin , New York , HongKong … Maybe even Amsterdam . It’s a sign of getting old, I expect wrinkles coming out very very soon …

2008 , the fashion trend ? What the hell makes you think that I would know ? I carried back one pair of shoes from Rome , in handbag by the way , crazy ? not really , they look so good , too good to be with my other package , different classes ... Since when even a pair of shoes start having class? I donno , by the way , just to confirm , I do know they look amazing and I'm bullshitting here , again !

Pet has something to do with woman , or the other way around ... Pets sometimes look like their Mr or Miss, as you could see from the pic , they both are from top category ; Suddently remember a cow , what her pet looks like ? Some people know what I'm talking about here ...

Remember today reading one funny blog about Paris , therefore , Paris is an attitude , so is fashion ...

 As title mentioned , Arts are just connected , and that's so obvious ....

Ferrnando, you said I should have put something more interesting on my blog , here it is , if beauties and fashion such boring things still can't stop your brain ruining and cheer you up, I have to say ' give up to myself ' :)

Now , time to use your brain again , all the pics above are connected to which art ???

Fashion and ???

It’s not the best writing ever, but it’s my best floating ever …

Season I :

That was a nice Christmas, travelling around. 25 days after ending up my 5 years’ relationship, I headed to another country, for some unknown reason, maybe the reasons were known, but they were just ignored.

I came across him in the train, sometimes coincidence happen in life, as a traveller, coincidences happen a bit more often. My mind was occupied , be precise , a portion of my mind was , by him during my floating trip , which to my personality , I wouldn’t call it special , I’m a moody person and the mind goes with my mood , periodically .

Visiting Germany was a great experience, culturally, historically…

‘The checkpoint is just right there. ‘ this German guy from Starbucks told me while I bought a morning coffee and smiled at him , ‘ the Berlin wall was … , I’m from the east part of Berlin … ‘ I like to listen story , from real people in life , his eastern German life , his parents, his current Berlin life , his thinking ,  usually I keep silent and smiling , only when I’m serious , when I’m feeling how valuable the information is …

‘Miki, I think I’m going back to the Netherlands tomorrow ‘, I told my Japanese friend  during breakfast, she knew the reason , there’s always some connection makes people become friends , and understanding without speaking is one of those …

Ronald was another coincidence on the way back; I clearly remember the way he talked, the way he smiled and the way I felt … If I should see thee: after long year, how should I agreed three, with silence and smile – it’s from an ancient British poem, I knocked the train window after getting off, saying goodbye and I knew there was no real goodbye from heart…

Season II:

My life back to Utrecht , The Netherlands had been surrounded by this Dutch and his friend for a while, until I got drunk and discovered something I have known for a while but tried not to know. It’s tough to describe what I really want from this person; usually I need a mood to even just think about it. Organizing the words is never being difficult for me, however indicating and showing feelings is always something I’ve never learnt well in life.

‘I think I really like you ‘, I spoke it out, and I was the one who made the situation worse. If liking someone means I want to spend time to feel him , means I want him to be in my social net , means I want to know him in a better way , then I meant it ; if liking someone means sharing, means being 100% committing , then I got myself and him wrong by saying that . It’s complicated to understand , I do know that , it’s my way of thinking , it’s my rather cold distance with people, I can’t help it …

People believe in different ways of having a relationship , which I felt by talking to them and feeling the pace of speaking , they all need safety , a commitment , a confirmation … therefore I tried hard to sound arrogant , tried hard to convince people that yes , I’m just not the committing type , that I have a different lifestyle … By doing so , the border line becomes obvious , by doing so , I turned someone into a friend only, again .

‘It’s a nice story ‘ , he said so , ‘ yes , it is , I think it’s even beautiful , for one month and 4 days ‘ , ‘ In Italy , I seriously thought of giving a try ‘ , that’s not easy to understand , I know it , I need to be far away to think , to melt , to clear up my mind and to be ready for a talk … People usually think in a practical way to ‘measure’ , to ‘judge’ , to feel ‘ safe and controllable ‘ , choices in life fall apart …